How To Reveal?

When I feel useless. Sometimes doing too well to someone is painful, very painful. It is because we want to give s/he the best and make others happy. But if it's not appreciated? all to no avail. And I feel useless, again and again. Instead of me not insincere, but as it was too painful.

When I want to retain. And all have changed. Fight alone, yeah just myself.

When feel like rejected and ignored. Only could smile and forget about things like that in a moment in order not to feel pain.

No one will ever know how I feel. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. Again and again, only be harbored and smiled. May it seem very ordinary, but for a sense... unimaginable.

When I want to get a little attention, and result I didn't expect. Then I will always be silent, will not ask “WHY”. All the things that make the pain .. Can you understand this feeling?

Have you ever? Fell so deeply in love with someone, even though both of you were not meant to be. That feeling of holding on to a thread, so fragile and breakable if you pulled too hard at it. Our bond is so thin, its barely visible.

“Why do you still hold on, then?”

People asks all the time, but there's just no answer to it. There's simply no reason for love, nor any logics behind faith. However, there's a breaking point for everything, our relationship, nonetheless.

- ... :)

Every Girls Feel Sometimes

Mouth: Don't touch me..leave me alone

Thoughts: Hold me! Please just hold me, even though I push you away pull me in close and say 'Nono, I won't leave you alone' And kiss me! Please just kiss me.. Take away the pain and show me that we are infinite. Together through any obstacle. Because that's what I would do if it was you who cried. THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO FOR YOU!

When I feel lonely… 

When I feel down and helpless…

When I feel rejected and ignored…

When I feel desperate and pointless. . .

I’m just rereading our old messages and hoping that it would happen AGAIN. I mean those conversation we had, those sweet words that you told me, when you told me that I’m your only girl. Those times. 

-Strwbrytlle

Ups & Downs

Every relationship has them. The times where you'll feel like giving up, and times where you'll feel that you're on top of the world knowing you got the one you truly love. Like they say... relationships are like glass. It's better to leave the pieces alone, instead of hurting yourself trying to put them together. Relationships are not perfect, they don't come easy, and eventually whoever said that "When you find the right guy, he won't make you cry" is BULLSHIT. Every girl cries, as well as every guy. It's called love. You do everything possible to be together, go through every argument that you didn't even know existed, and face things you aren't ready for. Relationships don't last without communication, and sometimes saying how you feel is harder than you think. You'll be heartbroken at least once throughout the whole thing, but in the end... true love will find it's way to make you say that it was worth it. relationships, express how each one could and can be loved. Forgetting the past is sometimes stressful, but know that you and your love should look towards the things you want in the future. Love and stick in that relationship like you've never been hurt, because every sixty seconds you've spent being hurt is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Xxo, Tesya

The Thing About LDR

The thing about LDR's is that not knowing when you'll ever get to see or see again the person you love most kills you deep inside. 

Your faith and loyalty slowly deteriorates and you start to lose hope. Your knees grow weak. You get lazy. You get emotional. You start to get more and more frustrated and the worse part is, if you on your behalf can't do anything about it (which there will always or most of the time be something you can do about it) you end up taking it out on the person you love.

You start to pressure them and the tension grows. Verbally you support each other about hanging in there and saying that things will be alright but nothing really happens. It's like temporary relief. It becomes more and more painful. Unbearable. Up to the point that the both of you can't handle it anymore because you'll never know when you'll ever see each other or see each other again.

There's no "Assurance".

Relying solely on trust and faith... but sometimes trust and faith in relationships just doesn't really carry it all. It drains your body and soul physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally until you just drop it all and give up.

...but...

If and when you do get that "assurance" in whatever form it may be, all the things you've lost return back to you. The love, the blood, the sweat, the tears. EVERYTHING. You feel like you're so alive again! Like it's the very last leg of the race. It's a sprint to the finish line. All you gotta do from there on out is survive.

The waiting part is such a killer but the moment you can finally see your eye on the prize which is seeing each other or seeing each other again, you feel like you're so alive like you're the king/queen of the world and the only thing left stopping you or holding you back is merely time.

Sounds stupid, I know. The whole assurance thing somewhat contradicts the thought of believing, trusting, keeping the faith and staying loyal throughout everything but once you see it; it's like you've seen the finish line, like you've been hit with lightning, and all you gotta do is run to it.

Nothing's gonna stop you.

Once you see that goal;
Run, lovers, run. :]

Xxo, Tesya

Replace

"She's very special to me"
"No one in the world can replace her"
"She understands me the most"
"My family loves her"
"She's much prettier than you"
"She's very mature"
"She does not complain and whine"
"She don't bitch about anyone"
"She respects me"
"She is the best woman I know besides my mother"
"She is elegant and sophisticated"
"She knows my humour better than anyone"
"The only thing you lose to her is time"
"She's been with me through ups and downs"
"She was there when I needed someone"
"She made me who I am today"
"She changed me to a better man"
"I wouldn't be where I am now without her"
"I admire her a lot"
"She's smart and charming"
"She treats my family as her own"
"She is perfect for me"
.
.
.
"But I love you"

How am I supposed to feel when my boyfriend talks endlessly about this girl? Whenever I show my disagreement, he would defend her by telling me:"Why can't you be more open-minded and mature?"

Tell me guys, what am I to him? Any girls out there thats feeling like the second option or despite all the worshipping for his goddess, he actually puts me first? 



Xxo, Tesya

New Years Eve 2013

Yap H-3 sebelum tahun baru 2013 gue sama sekali belum ada rencana untuk ngerayain tahun baru dimana, sama siapa, dan hal apa yang bakal dilakuin. H-2nya gue bbm Tegar dan nanya dia ada rencana apa untuk tahun baru, dan ternyata... ya sama kaya gue. Stay at home. Tapi abis itu dia bilang “kerumah iqi yuk” dan... gue masih ragu karna gue terlanjur ngundang sodara kerumah, tapi ya berhubung sodara gue itu gabisa 'katanya', akhirnya gue mutusin untuk kerumah iqi...

Tepat tanggal 31 pagi gue, Tegar, dan Iqi sibuk untuk ngajakin anak-anak di chat conf. Ada yang labilah sampe bikin pusing sendiri dan ujung-ujungnya mereka ikut juga. Karena waktu itu gue cewe satu-satunya, Iqi nyaranin untuk ngajak Rahma dan untungnya Rahma dibolehin ~('.')~

Dan akhirnya abege yang fix ikut tahun baruan dirumah Iqi...

Rifqi (Si Pemilik Rumah) @wdhnto 

Gue/Tesya @dhevisya

Rahma @rainirahma

Tegar @tegarpicasso 

Ilsya @ilsya_17

Adib @Paul_McAdib 

Ari @muhammadariy

Nabiel @nabielshihab 

Tepat jam 5 sore kita sampe dirumah Rifqi (at Bekasi, Jati Warna, Komp. Green Park )

Jam stengah 8 “main UNO” sampe jam 9an. Dan ini hasilnya..

Jam 9an kita lanjut bakar-bakar~
Berhubung gak ada si “minyak tanah” semua susah payah untuk nyalain si areng itu pake koran-_-

Jagung, Ayam, Sosis, Bakso

Selesai bakar-bakar langsung caw ke depan komplek untuk ngeliat kembang api dan foto-foto~~~
*sedih sih gak ada doi wakaka, but what should I do, for the second times lalala*

11:54pm

12:05am

12:09am

12:21am

12:23am

12:39am

12:46am

12:51am

Dan jam 1 balik kerumah. Anak laki-laki tidur di ruang TV dan gue sama Rahma tidur dikamarnya Iqi... ~
Dikamar itu baru tidur jam 3 pagi karna keasikan ngomongin tentang kisah hidupnya Rahma dan curcol tentang kejadian waktu kolase49... waksss *your secret in my hands ma*

Pagi-paginya sarapan nasi goreng, istirahat, dan pergi berenang~~ wohooo

Jam 1 siang sampe dirumah Iqi lagi dan langsung makan cemilan sambil ngopi bro B-) selesai makan-makan semua ngumpul untuk nonton “Warkop DKI” *ideIlsya* beberapa anak lelaki itu pergi ke kamar Iqi dan tinggal gue, Tegar, Rahma, Ilsya, Pingkan di ruang TV. And then we are fall asleep... Ya itu karna begadang semaleman pastinya 3-|

Jam 4 sore dibangunin untuk makan nasi padang :9 dan abis isya kita balik kerumah masing-masing~~~

Another Photos:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.540186579334061.128691.100000281727669&type=1


Love, Tesya